It's that time in the school year again... report card time. A time of praise and criticism. Endings and beginnings. As usual, I am left proud, yet frustrated. For them, it is a quarterly event, this period of assessment and reflection. For us, it is a daily or weekly ongoing trudging progression and process. It's time to take it in and reflect, then shake it off, buckle down, and do what we do... attempt to make our sons successful.
Our eleven year old is very bright, if not downright gifted. He is also impulsive and hyper. At an early age though, we learned that, like a hyper Labrador retriever puppy, frequent physical activity takes the excess energy out of him and makes him more manageable. We closely monitor his diet and behavior, all of which has resulted in a pretty cool kid. He is always on the distinguished honor roll and earns nothing but praise from his teachers. This is not by chance. It is hard work on his part, and to a lesser extent these days, ours. He makes us extremely proud to be his parents... even if his mouth runs like a duck's behind at times.
Even if his gifts are more hidden, our youngest son is also bright. Like his older brother, he is also impulsive and hyper, probably more so even. Unfortunately, due to his gross motor delays, we have a harder time using physical activity as a tool to drain his excess energy. His diet and behavior are closely monitored, as well. Unlike his older brother, his comments from school are not as glowing. They are nice but not as full of praise... we are still extremely proud to be his parents.
Our youngest son is a week shy of six years old. Since he was two, we have been told by teachers and therapists that he is hyper and impulsive. No! Really? I live with him 24/7 but I was not aware of this! I'm shocked! His report card comments report that "he needs repetition of all concepts in order to retain the information". Well, yes, that is usually the case. I've been teaching him to tie his shoes for two and a half years now. It took me five years to potty train him. He still doesn't sit still for a whole meal, heck, for the first ten minutes of a meal. Tell me again that he needs repetition.
His report card reports that "His attention difficulties are affecting his academic growth." Probably. It would be a pretty easy solution to say "Hey. He's hyper. Let's put him on meds." The reality is that will be a last resort. I will have to have worn myself to the bone and the teaching staff to a frazzle before I will even consider that option. The reason? We don't know why he is the way he is. We do know that his brain functions differently than ours. He's taking it all in, have no doubt. He's not missing a trick. But he can't seem to make his body comply. There is something there in his brain chemistry that is different or disconnected expressively. What would meds do to that brain? His neuro-developmentalist even questions what they would do to him. She was very straight forward when she said "I would be very disappointed if you resorted to meds as an easy out at this time." I agree whole-heartedly. Our life with him is far from easy. But we don't know that the alternative would be better. Is it worth risking at six years old, while only in kindergarten, before his brain is even close to fully developed? I don't think so.
I teach thirty incarcerated female offenders at an alternative school in a group home. Over fifty percent of our population has an Individualized Education Plan (IEP). Another twenty-five percent probably should have one but their families didn't know enough to push for one at a young age. The remaining percentage are full of gifted girls who are bored out of their minds because no one has adequately challenged them over the years. This is no exaggeration. It is my reality at work. I do not have an aide. I do have an itinerant Title I teacher who comes in twice a week to work with the worst cases. My students' reading levels range from first grade to college level for thirteen to eighteen year olds. In addition to some serious learning challenges, they also face some pretty significant life issues. That is my daily challenge. To get them to care. To get them to learn. To get them to grow as young women... I tell you this to make the point that I know what it takes to teach kids who are challenging. I do it daily.
Do you really want to tell me that my six year old's academic growth is affected by his attention difficulties? He is in a kindergarten class with twelve other students. He has access to a classroom aide and a Title I teacher. He is receiving speech therapy, occupational therapy, and physical therapy at school. In addition, he is receiving occupational therapy at the local children's hospital. He is being followed by a neuro-developmentalist. He has two parents who are not only committed to making him successful but are also actively involved in working with him and challenging him to meet his full potential. Homework takes at least an hour every night. We tease; we challenge; we play games; we encourage; heck, at times we feel like ripping our hair out; but we get it done. Tell me what more you need us to do. We know you are dedicated. We appreciate your efforts more than you will ever know. Your affection for our child and your concern for his welfare are clear, of that we have no doubt. But please do not imply that our six year old needs meds or enough is not being done to meet his needs. If you can tell us what more needs to be done, we will do it. But do not ask us to medicate him. His brain is not yet developed enough for us to take that chance. You have him for a year. Your school has him for the next twelve. We'll deal with the consequences of an easy solution for the rest of our lives.
I think I am expressing the frustration of many parents who are facing an uncertain future with their children. What is the right decision? Am I doing what is right and fair for my child or am I doing what is easiest for me? I don't think there is a right decision. I can't possibly sit in judgement of parents who decide that medication is the answer for their child. I'm not living their experience with their child. May my child need medication in the future to help him manage his impulsivity and hyperactivity? Sure. I'm not deluding myself that that option may not be in our future. I just know it isn't the answer at this time. He is too young. There are too many options still available to us. He needs time to grow and mature. After all, he may be almost six, but developementally... he is only four.
Tonight, through this forum, I vent my fear and frustration. Tomorrow... I continue to do the job of raising my child to the best of my abilities. All I know is that I love him and want the best for him. Isn't that what every parent wants?
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