Shining Moments After the Storm

Walking in the door from work, I walked straight into the early stages of a full on meltdown.  After a full day of work and a forty-five minute drive home, I resisted the urge to turn around and walk back out the door.  Long story short, our youngest son hadn't listened to his older brother's repeated requests to sit down on the bus, fell as the bus made a turn, and badly jammed his finger.  It was bruised, swollen, and quite painful.  His brother was frustrated and angry.  He was embarrassed and hurting.  Attempts to talk to him, examine the injury, or process the situation further escalated the situation.  Before he could reach a point of no control, I wrapped his hand in a icy water bag (which he strongly resisted), wrapped his hand with a towel, settled him on the couch, and wrapped him in the softest fleece blanket that we own.  Whenever he attempted to talk, cry, fuss, or spin,  I simply re-tucked the blanket, soothed, shushed, and settled him again.  I then left him alone to fuss to himself as I unloaded his backpack and attempted to decipher our homework agenda for the evening.  Once I had his homework laid out, pencils, chew toppers, and erasers gathered, and his weighted lap throw heated and ready, I went to see if he could move forward with his evening.  Instead, I discovered him soundly sleeping where I had left him.

My initial reaction to the sight of him peacefully sleeping was "Oh crap!"  In the past, an episode like this that led to him sleeping it off meant he was asleep for the evening.  With three subjects of homework to complete, I envisioned him getting behind in his schoolwork, further ensuring that we would have more battles and arguments over school and homework.  I decided that I would let him sleep for an hour before attempting to rouse him to see if he could regroup and move forward with his evening.  It probably wouldn't be pretty but was a better alternative to getting behind in school.

About the time, I was going to start to wake him, he woke with a growl, fuss, and stumble.  Apparently, he had woke himself but wasn't fully awake yet.  He was confused, in pain, and not processing well.  To head off a re-escalation, I steered him toward the shower and sent him for an early bath.  He protested, fussed, and continued to react with confusion.  Once the warm water hit him, he at started to relax as I had hoped he would.  A warm bath is a tool we have used in the past to help him soothe himself when he doesn't seem to be able to regulate himself effectively.  Thankfully, it worked this time as well.

After finishing his shower, he was back to his usual pleasant, cooperative self.  He was DEFINITELY exhausted though.  You could see the fatigue in his face and eyes.  I heated him some leftovers, got him a Tylenol and Ibuprofen for his hand, and laid out a simple plan for our evening.  Now that the storm had passed, he agreed to all that I suggested.  After finishing his food, we attempted and completed all three subjects of homework.  It wasn't our greatest evening of learning and comprehension but at least the work was finished.  We cleaned up and rewarded ourselves with a cuddle on the couch while we watched cake decorating videos on YouTube.  (His choice.  He wants to go to culinary school and specialize in cake decorating.)

So, why am I sharing this evening's events with you?  Why should you care?  It's very simple.  This evening's events are a HUGE step in the right direction.  He had a meltdown but on a scale from 1 to 10.  This was a 5.  Our evening had all the ingredients for a really bad night.  It had the potential for repercussions that could have caused a ripple through the next several evenings.  Instead, we regrouped, recovered, and salvaged the evening, ending it on a very positive note.  At bedtime, as he snuggled in bed, we were even able to discuss how his injury had occurred and what could have prevented it.  This is progress.  Big progress.  That progress hasn't just happened over night.  It's taken a lot of hard work, consistency, teamwork, and love.  Lots and lots of love.

In terms of progress, we are seeing it all around us.  While he was sleeping, I had contacted his teacher's by email to let them know that he may not have his homework done.  We were going to attempt to get it done but I wanted them forewarned.  When I contacted them, I was told that he had received a SOAR card (school wide positive reinforcement) earlier that day for responsible completion of an assignment in his free time.  The day before, I had talked with his learning support teacher who shared with me how well he is doing in school and how much she loves working with him.  She commented several times about his positive attitude and good work ethic.

My husband, our oldest son, and I processed the evening after our youngest was in bed and asleep for the night.  We often discuss where we are at with him and what we need to do.  I recognized that it is a serious challenge for all of us to deal with his outbursts some days and to keep him together and functioning outside of our home.  But I also had to share what I had been told by his teaching team.  He is successful.  His learning support teacher said that some of his peers have recently commented on how much better his eating skills have gotten.  They said he used to wear his food all over his clothes and now he rarely does.  She said that she doesn't have to remind him to clean his face or check himself for neatness.  He now does it for himself with few reminders.  He has made honor roll every quarter this school year.  So far, he even made distinguished honor roll one of the three quarters.  I pointed out the significance of that.  Two years ago, we sat in a meeting with his teaching team.  When I voiced concern that his grades were not what they had been in previous years and I felt he was capable of more, his teacher told me quite plainly that his days of earning A's and B's may be over.  I may have to learn to accept that.  I agreed and left the comment pass because I knew it came from a well meaning individual who believed that was all that my son was capable of earning.  But in my heart, I knew that was not the case.  So when we transitioned to the next level of learning, to a new building, new team, new routine, new expectations, and he has earned honor roll every quarter... We celebrate!  We rejoice!  We give thanks for the growth.  We let him shine.  And when he shines for them and falls apart for us... We love him through it.  We hold him up.  We walk beside him through the dark so that we can be there to watch him shine again.

*  A very special thank you to my husband and oldest son for walking the journey beside me.  Without you both, none of this progress would be possible.  I love you both more than words can express.