As my son ages, I find myself blogging less and less. It's not that I have less to say. More that our life is very full and I'm trying to find the balance in blogging and safeguarding my son's privacy as he's entering those challenging teen years. In the early years, this blog was my free therapy. Who has time for counseling?!? I never thought anyone would actually read it. Seriously? Who cares about a middle age mom with a kid like mine? But I wrote it anyway because my blog was an outlet for the fear, hurt, and confusion that comes with raising a child with special needs. As time went on, it became evident that people were reading it. People in Thailand and Germany and Russia. People in France and Japan and the United States. I got messages from people all around the world asking questions. Looking for answers. I got messages from people thanking me for sharing my experiences because it helped them better understand kids with special needs. Many of them had no experience with a child like mine. Reading about our experiences made them more mindful, less judgmental, even kinder. Most importantly, I got messages from parents saying "Thank you. I'm not alone. Someone else feels the way I feel and experiences what I experience."
With all of that said, let me take advantage of my free therapy, my online support system, and tell you about the start of this new school year. It's been entertaining to say the least. (She said half laughing, half weeping.) Our youngest son has entered the sixth grade. Middle school. If you've been following along, you remember that he transitioned to middle school last year in the fifth grade with much anticipation and trepidation. We were fearful to say the least. When his learning support teacher left for a different teaching position within weeks of starting the year, our fear turned to terror. What were we going to do? How was he going to adjust? Amazingly, he had the best school year that he's had in years. That replacement learning support teacher? A gift from God. She GOT him. I mean really, truly GOT him. Understood him. She had the unique talent and ability to balance holding him accountable, while pushing him further, while supporting him as he stretched and grew. She was a blessing. His whole year was a blessing. Honor roll. Distinguished honor roll. It was amazing. He was amazing.
Last year was so amazing that when we got his PSSA scores and he once again scored Below Basic in English/Language Arts and Basic in math, we were angered and outraged on his behalf. After all his hard work; all their hard work; all our hard work, his scores had not improved. Our frustration inspired me to reach out to our special education director and ask what could be done. Our son who desperately needs positive peer interaction was kept from attending school clubs and groups because he has constant PSSA remediation. Yet, the PSSA scores did not reflect those remediation efforts or his outstanding report card grades. What could be done? In complete agreement that life is more than a standardized test that is not designed to reflect the efforts of any child with learning issues, she took our concern to the school superintendent. God bless this man!!!! He is a true child advocate and teacher advocate. He made the decision to allow kids like our son to take part in school activities as long as their efforts continue and their grades reflect those efforts. Score one for the kids! Thank you sir. We are forever in your debt.
This year isn't what any of us expected. Our son started school thrilled with life because his brother got a truck and is taking him to school everyday. No more riding the bus with the mean girl. He was given permission to join groups and clubs. He's switching to percussion in the band. Last year, he had excellent report cards. In his mind, he had this school thing all figured out. It was finally all going his way. His new catch phrase was "I got this Mom!"
Then reality struck. Fast forward to the present. It has not been a pretty transition. Over the summer, his blocking and stuttering had decreased so much so that his family doctor wanted to take it off his medical record. I asked him not to. Thank goodness I did. Since school has started, he is back to blocking. He's back to stuttering. The drooling has returned. He has eaten two shirt collars within the last week. The old anxiety behaviors are all back with a vengeance. Bedtime has been a nightmare. He can't sleep. He has an upset stomach all the time. He's developing migraines so severe that he had to leave school vomiting. In the first two weeks of school, he incorrectly attended three classes that he wasn't supposed to be in. He forgot to attend another class that he was supposed to attend. His learning support teacher is on maternity leave until the end of the first quarter so he is trying to transition to a new grade with new teachers and new expectations with a substitute. Today, I got a call from the school from his teacher because he's had an issue in her room two days in a row.
I"m a teacher with all the preparation and planning that goes with that position. In addition, I commute an hour and a half everyday. I'm president of the band parent association at our sons' school. My husband is an officer in the fire company. Our lives are FULL! How do we manage it all? How do we make it all work? No. Seriously. I'm asking....
Okay. He's what we do. We pray. I mean specific "Thanks God. You are mighty and awesome and all powerful. But Lord... I need X, Y, and Z to get through this night." Specific, meaningful, heartfelt prayer. We ask our friends and loved ones to pray, those same specific needs. We take a deep breath and we just breathe. We communicate. Together and with those that can be a support for us. We listen. Son, what's happening? What do you need? How can we fix this? What are your plans for this situation in the future? We problem solve as a family and as a team. We read and research and make suggestions when we think we have an idea or a solution. We communicate with the school team (even if they don't always seem thrilled to hear from you). Most importantly, we love one another. Even when it's not fun and it's not easy and it would be easier to give up or give in. Giving up is never an option.
And sometimes... just sometimes... all the pieces come together beautifully, as if maybe God is up there laughing, saying "Child, I had you the whole time." and you find yourself on the other side of the ugly in a better place than you started. God is good. He sees us through. He is our rock and our foundation. Those aren't just words. They are our truth. I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO DO THIS ON MY OWN. God is my strength. God is my salvation. God answers prayer. He did today. He does everyday.... even when we can't see it in the darkness.
Don't give up. You are not alone.
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