"Bye Mom" he yells as he runs across the road to the bus. I can't help but chuckle even as I sigh and feel that familiar tug in my heart. It is so difficult to find the balance between healthy independence and required diligent supervision. Often it feels like walking on a tight rope.
My oldest son got to play hookey from school on Friday to go deer hunting with his father. As a result, my youngest son would be getting on the bus by himself for the first time. For most kids this wouldn't be such a big deal. But as I have discussed previously, my youngest child lacks an awareness of danger and its consequences. Because of this, I was a little concerned with how this experience would unfold.
Friday morning, he and I got up and prepared for school and work as we always do. When it came time to go out to the bus, he thought he was big stuff because he got to sit up front in the car without his brother. Once we were parked at the end of the driveway and waiting for the bus, I talked to him about what I wanted him to do when the bus pulled up. Usually when the bus pulls up, his brother holds onto his backpack to hold him back because he becomes so excited to get on the bus and start his day that he starts running in place in anticipation of boarding the bus and going to sit with "his girls". On this day, his brother wouldn't be there to hold him back. I could have gotten out and waited with him but I saw this as an opportunity to encourage his independence. He and I discussed why he needed to wait until Mommy said "go" before crossing the street to board the bus. We talked about what he needed to do to wait and stay safe until the bus was completely stopped.
When the bus pulled up, he fumbled around as he always does while trying to exit the car. I coached him verbally on what I wanted him to do. As always, he stood there next to the car, excited and running in place. But today,instead of being held back by his brother, he touched the car and held onto the cardoor until I told him "go!". When I told him to go, he ran across the road, soooo excited because he was getting on the bus by himself. I laughed out loud at his enthusiasm. Inside, I also felt a small pang of regret. My baby had reached another milestone. What a beautifully sad moment.
There are so many moments like this with my youngest child. Balancing our need to keep him safe with our need to encourage his independence. We want him to run and play with his friends at school. Yet we shake our heads in frustration, when he comes home from school in different clothes because he fell on the playground and got soaking wet. We want him to be social and learn how to interact with others outside his normal "circle". Yet we hesitate for fear he will be rejected or ostrasized by others who see him as different. We want him to get on the bus by himself afterschool without an aide or teacher prompting him. Yet we know true fear when his brother tells us he almost missed the bus because he was daydreaming and not paying attention.
When you have a child with mild developmental issues like our son, he is often mistaken for "normal". There are also too many moments when he is seen as different. He isn't one, but he isn't the other either. He's somewhere in between. Therein lies the frustration. Therein lies the worry and concern. Therein lies the need for balance. Help us Lord to encourage our son's independence while keeping him safe from harm, be it physical or emotional. Help us to find the balance.
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