Sometimes life offers you a glimpse of what your life could be. We had one of those moments today. As a treat, my husband and I decided to take our youngest son out for lunch while we were doing some running. It was at the restaurant that we had a chance to see what life could look like for our youngest son if we don't continue to work to change that trajectory.
At the local pizza shop, a tall man approached us and started speaking loudly to my husband in a familiar manner. I tuned out the conversation as I attempted to keep our son from spinning off and touching things before we ordered and got him corralled at a table. When the worker stepped up to the counter and took our order, the other man continued to stand closely to my husband and loudly share a story with him about a time they had eaten lunch together. I continued to ignore the conversation since our youngest had started trying to tell the worker what he wanted to eat and I wanted to ensure that the young man understood him. As soon as he had completed his order, my son started to rush toward the drink machine to attempt to dispense his own soda. I was attempting to intervene and slow him down when I realized my husband was still trying to pay the bill as the tall man continued to loudly talk to him while standing too close for socially accepted behavior. It was at that point that I tuned in and realized this was a grown man in his early thirties with obvious mental health and/or developmental issues. It was also obvious that he was well known to the employees and most of the patrons.
We allowed our son to fill his drink as he loudly protested that he could do it. As I put the lid on the drink and cautioned him to move slowly, our son again loudly proclaimed that he could do it. At the same time, the tall man continued to loudly, and closely, continue to share his story with the same repetitive phrase popping up in the conversation. He laughed loudly. He talked loudly. It was very clear that he lacked an awareness of social norms and expectations.
His behavior made me very uncomfortable. Not for the obvious reasons. Having worked in corrections for eighteen years, I had worked with more than my fair share of people with serious mental health issues. What made me uncomfortable was the clear commonalities between this tall man and my tall son. When I looked at this man, I could see a snapshot of what life could be like for my son in the future. There were many parallels that gave me great unease.
I listened to the other patrons talk and interact with him in the other room. One seemed to be egging him on to be loud and boisterous. Some seemed to just want him to go away and leave them alone. He clearly made them uncomfortable. Most of the patrons and employees seemed familiar and comfortable with him. They appeared to know how to help him keep himself under control. At one point, the one employee said "Inside voice" in a firm yet kind voice. The tall man repeated "Inside voice" then added "or get the hell out". This was a conversation that must has occurred on more than one occasion at this establishment. When the employee delivered our food, he started to apologize for the tall man and his behavior. My husband reassured the young man that it was no problem, he knew the tall man and we understand he didn't know any better and he meant no harm.
The rest of the meal proceeded without incident and the pizza was DELICIOUS. As we prepared to leave, my husband stopped to talk to the employees and another man that he knew. Our son looked at the tall man sitting at a booth in the corner and declared "You're really loud!" The tall man dropped his head and shook it with chagrin muttering "inside voice". The moment struck me. That could be my son in the future. Loud. Unaware of physical boundaries. Unaware of social norms and expectations. Tall and imposing until you realize that he meant no harm. Egged on and over excitable with the wrong people. This could be his future.
But it won't be. This snapshot will not be my son. My husband and I work too hard and too diligently. We recognize his behavioral tendencies but we don't accept them as how he has to be. We have made progress. We will continue to make progress. This will not be his future. We will see to it. God has a plan for our son. We will prepare him for it.
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