I am writing tonight in celebration of the journey. It's easy to get caught up in what isn't going well in life. It's easy for someone like me to identify the problems and seek out the answers. Unfortunately, life doesn't always offer clear cut challenges with simple solutions. Instead, life often feels like a ride on a roller coaster through a maze steeped in fog. You can get bogged down in the wrong turn, the misdirection, and the dead ends. More challenging, yet even more rewarding, is seeing the blessings, the joy, and the fun in the journey.
For months we struggled with the idea of whether or not to use medical intervention to help our son learn to control his impulsive tendencies and learn to focus in the classroom. When we finally decided to take the step to start him on medication and then it didn't work, not once but twice, it was easy to become discouraged. It was easy to want to give up. Instead, we dug deep, prayed hard, and gave it one more try. Those efforts have been rewarded with success. For the first time in a long time, we are seeing improvement in focus and impulse control. We have tweaked the med schedule at home and with the doctors to achieve the best possible results. As a team, we are beginning to see success where before there was frustration.
The medicine regime we have implemented for our son's health issues has also begun to pay off. We have had a very healthy winter season for the first time in his life. He was able to come down with an illness and successfully fight it off without an asthma flair or a steroid boost. This is also a new and exciting development. Our hard work and efforts seem to be working.
Medicine will not be able to address all of our son's unique quirks and developmental issues. Medicine cannot help him when he is fixated or having one of his rain man days. When he gets a thought, or phrase, or song, or activity stuck in his head and can't let it go, all we can do is ride it out and help him work through it. We are learning to see the humor in these moments. It can be INCREDIBLY annoying and frustrating and exhausting and heartbreaking. When you take a step back and look at it from a more detached perspective, it can be really humorous, sometimes even endearing. Not always. But sometimes.
Medical intervention will not address our son's tendency to "mouth" objects. This unconscious chewing and eating of inedible objects tends to go hand in hand with his tendency to stutter and drool. There are weeks when he does none of these things. There are weeks when it seems he does nothing BUT these things. We are learning to roll with it. It's not intentional. It doesn't appear to be controllable. We used to find it embarrassing when he did these things in public. We are now so grateful for how far he has come, that we figure if someone wants to judge him for something so out of his control, that's their problem. They are missing the opportunity to meet, and get to know, one of the most loving souls they will ever encounter. His love is boundless. If they miss that chance, I feel sorry for them, not the other way around.
We have come so very, very far in eight very short years. The journey is far from over. If there were anything that I truly pray for and honestly look forward to, it would be the ability to relax. To let my guard down. To breathe. Life for us at this time means watching, adjusting, and adapting. I pray for a down turn on that roller coaster ride before the climb up the next hill. The twists and turns are coming, of that I have no doubt. Lord, please grant me some time to breathe. Relax. Enjoy. I'll be up to your next challenge. Just give me time to refuel first.
Friday, February 28, 2014
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Finding Comfort When the Storm Subsides
It's interesting how chaos can become a normal part of your life. Learning to survive each new struggle; jumping over each new hurdle; pushing on through each new obstacle becomes normal, even expected. What do you do when the storm subsides? What becomes your new normal?
We have been attempting to stabilize our son on an attention deficit disorder medication. As I have discussed recently, he started his third new medicine for this issue almost a month ago. Previous medical attempts resulted in unwanted adverse reactions. I am happy to report that his most recent medication has been not only successful, but also beneficial. For the first time since we started this process back in November, his teaching team is reporting a decrease in distractibility and impulsiveness. We have also not noticed the increased agitation that was previously experienced with the other medications that he tried. He is still having trouble focusing and controlling his impulsive tendencies in the afternoons but his neurologist had mentioned the possibility of needing to introduce an afternoon dose once he has been stabilized on the current medication. We are taking this process one step at a time. It has been nice to receive positive feedback from the school regarding his ability to focus.
In addition to our son's learning and developmental issues, usually around this time of year he develops an asthma flair that lasts most of the winter season. This year his asthma seems to be well controlled. He recently had a cold that developed into strep throat. Fortunately, it hasn't settled into his chest the way it has in years past. What a blessing!
If you've never lived with the constant need to watch for signs of illness or signs that your child is becoming overstimulated and at risk of becoming out of control, you will have a very hard time understanding what I am talking about. If you have lived with a chronically ill family member or a child with learning and/or developmental issues, then you may understand. When life begins to settle into a comfortable pattern, when the storm you have been living, begins to subside, you are left with a hole that needs to be filled. Time that was previously spent on this family member is now available. Energy that was spent on activity, planning, stress, and worry can now be put to use in other areas. Patterns of behavior between family members begin to shift and change and need to be renegotiated and adjusted. It opens the door to potentially positive change. It can also open the door to potentially destructive changes if you don't work as a team and communicate effectively with one another.
I will give an example of this for those who haven't been in our shoes. Maybe those that have can see a bit of themselves in our situation. Because my background is education/corrections and I am a Type A planner/overachiever by nature, I have had a tendency to take the lead in researching information regarding our son's health, learning, and developmental issues. I pushed for genetic testing. I researched and arranged for occupational, physical, and speech therapy. I researched, questioned, and pushed for answers regarding our son's issues. It become normal for me to take the lead in these things because it was my area of training and expertise. For a long time, my husband took a backseat in this process and followed my lead. It is only in recent years that he has taken a more active role in questioning and advising which direction we went with our son. It has been a transition and a shifting of roles for both of us. Even our sons had begun to fall into established roles. Our oldest saw himself as the "smart one" and the "good one". He is both of those things but we could see it was how he was beginning to identify himself in comparison to his brother. On the other hand, our youngest often seemed to identify himself as the "rebellious one". He was much more likely to be oppositional and difficult.
As life has begun to settle into a more positive version of normal, we have been working on slowly adapting and changing these roles that we had come to find ourselves in. It takes diligent conscious awareness of your behaviors as an individual and as a family member to recognize when the roles you have assumed have benefited the family and when they have hindered the family. Now that our family is out of crisis mode, it is no longer beneficial for me to take such a strong lead in all areas of our family life. There is a need to distribute the duties, chores and responsibilities. To continue to take that lead, will only lead to resentment and frustration down the line for everyone.
So what do you do when the storm subsides? Just like the aftermath of any storm, you take stock of where you are and what damage has been inflicted. You identify what resources are available and at your disposal. Finally, it must be recognized that change may be necessary and everyone must be willing to do their part to make the needed changes. I pray we continue to be up to the challenge. I pray we are working as a team to meet each other's needs. May the Lord continue to bless us with His blessings. He has seen us through some incredible challenges. I am grateful because they have brought us closer as a family.
We have been attempting to stabilize our son on an attention deficit disorder medication. As I have discussed recently, he started his third new medicine for this issue almost a month ago. Previous medical attempts resulted in unwanted adverse reactions. I am happy to report that his most recent medication has been not only successful, but also beneficial. For the first time since we started this process back in November, his teaching team is reporting a decrease in distractibility and impulsiveness. We have also not noticed the increased agitation that was previously experienced with the other medications that he tried. He is still having trouble focusing and controlling his impulsive tendencies in the afternoons but his neurologist had mentioned the possibility of needing to introduce an afternoon dose once he has been stabilized on the current medication. We are taking this process one step at a time. It has been nice to receive positive feedback from the school regarding his ability to focus.
In addition to our son's learning and developmental issues, usually around this time of year he develops an asthma flair that lasts most of the winter season. This year his asthma seems to be well controlled. He recently had a cold that developed into strep throat. Fortunately, it hasn't settled into his chest the way it has in years past. What a blessing!
If you've never lived with the constant need to watch for signs of illness or signs that your child is becoming overstimulated and at risk of becoming out of control, you will have a very hard time understanding what I am talking about. If you have lived with a chronically ill family member or a child with learning and/or developmental issues, then you may understand. When life begins to settle into a comfortable pattern, when the storm you have been living, begins to subside, you are left with a hole that needs to be filled. Time that was previously spent on this family member is now available. Energy that was spent on activity, planning, stress, and worry can now be put to use in other areas. Patterns of behavior between family members begin to shift and change and need to be renegotiated and adjusted. It opens the door to potentially positive change. It can also open the door to potentially destructive changes if you don't work as a team and communicate effectively with one another.
I will give an example of this for those who haven't been in our shoes. Maybe those that have can see a bit of themselves in our situation. Because my background is education/corrections and I am a Type A planner/overachiever by nature, I have had a tendency to take the lead in researching information regarding our son's health, learning, and developmental issues. I pushed for genetic testing. I researched and arranged for occupational, physical, and speech therapy. I researched, questioned, and pushed for answers regarding our son's issues. It become normal for me to take the lead in these things because it was my area of training and expertise. For a long time, my husband took a backseat in this process and followed my lead. It is only in recent years that he has taken a more active role in questioning and advising which direction we went with our son. It has been a transition and a shifting of roles for both of us. Even our sons had begun to fall into established roles. Our oldest saw himself as the "smart one" and the "good one". He is both of those things but we could see it was how he was beginning to identify himself in comparison to his brother. On the other hand, our youngest often seemed to identify himself as the "rebellious one". He was much more likely to be oppositional and difficult.
As life has begun to settle into a more positive version of normal, we have been working on slowly adapting and changing these roles that we had come to find ourselves in. It takes diligent conscious awareness of your behaviors as an individual and as a family member to recognize when the roles you have assumed have benefited the family and when they have hindered the family. Now that our family is out of crisis mode, it is no longer beneficial for me to take such a strong lead in all areas of our family life. There is a need to distribute the duties, chores and responsibilities. To continue to take that lead, will only lead to resentment and frustration down the line for everyone.
So what do you do when the storm subsides? Just like the aftermath of any storm, you take stock of where you are and what damage has been inflicted. You identify what resources are available and at your disposal. Finally, it must be recognized that change may be necessary and everyone must be willing to do their part to make the needed changes. I pray we continue to be up to the challenge. I pray we are working as a team to meet each other's needs. May the Lord continue to bless us with His blessings. He has seen us through some incredible challenges. I am grateful because they have brought us closer as a family.
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