It usually happens with those who only know us casually. After spending some time with our family, the question is often posed "So what is his diagnosis." In other words, they now something is a little different about our son but they can't definitively say what that difference is and they are seeking some clarity. I'm not offended by such questions. I just don't know how to respond. More often than not, I reply "I don't know." or "He has global developmental delays." The reality is our son has only minor special needs but taken all together, they are quite frustrating to deal with.
Our son has been diagnosed with developmental motor coordination disorder, congenital deformity of the knee joint, congenital pes planus, fluency disorder, expressive language disorder, hypotonia, tall stature (yes, an actual diagnosis???), and attention deficient disorder. In other words, they don't really know why he is the way he is. They are describing his symptoms, his behaviors, and his physicality but they don't have a "syndrome" or specific disorder that he falls into. This has been a source of serious frustration for me. If I had a specific diagnosis, I might be able to research it, work with it, and attempt to make it better. Instead, I'm left with this list of symptoms that presented together can be deceptively mild or overwhelmingly difficult depending on the day.
The diagnosis that I really try not to mention to people is attention deficit disorder. In the United States, it seems that every other boy on the street has been diagnosed with this disorder. People don't really seem to take it seriously as a result. Unless your child is twitching and jittering, many people think you are looking for an excuse for your child's misbehavior or failure to succeed. The reality is his therapists and neurologist have been trying to lead me to that diagnosis for a long time. I have been extremely resistant. I work in education. I know what an ADD diagnosis means. That kid is trouble. He's going to disrupt your class and take away time from your other students. His parents don't have any control over him and need someone to blame for their lack of parenting skills. Sure, another boy with ADD.
Our oldest son is extremely active, both verbally and physically. He never sits still. If he does, his leg is jittering. He talks all the time. Since he was little, we have had him in sports and activities to help burn off his excess energy. We keep him busy physically and mentally to help wear him out. Since birth, he hasn't slept well because he can't lay still and actually sleep. Is he ADD? No. I'd say no. In school, he has no trouble sitting still. He can focus on the teacher, the lessons, and the rules. His grades are amazing. He's just a high energy kid.
Conversely, our youngest son is not a bundle of nervous energy. He tends to zone out and fixate on things. When he does go into a manic mode, it is very hard to pull him out of it. His energy and movement at those times seems very erratic and uncontrolled. In class, he has trouble sitting in his seat. He wants to jump up and move impulsively on a whim. If he has something to say, he blurts it out impulsively without any thought to wait his turn or ask for permission. While reading, his head is turned to the page but his eyes are darting everywhere except for the page he's supposed to be reading. If there is something in front of him that interests him, it is nearly impossible to keep him from touching it or holding it even if told explicitly not to. He responds to high energy and over-stimulating circumstances by increasing his energy level to match that of the current activity. Unfortunately, he has a very difficult time bringing his level of energy back to what it should be without an explosive episode. Is he ADD? It took me a LONG time to admit it but yes. I think he is.
An ADD diagnosis is one of those diagnosis that seems to come with a lot of judgment from those in the community. I've been told that our son doesn't seem that bad. Are we sure he's ADD? I've been told that kids his age are supposed to be active. Are we sure he's ADD? On the other hand, the school has brought up time and time again that his lack of focus is impeding his learning potential. He's average intelligence and should be performing at that level but his lack of focus interferes. I know. The fact that we don't know what is going on neurologically with him keeps me from wanting to confuse the issue more by adding chemicals to his system. If and when we absolutely have no other options, we may consider medication. Until that time, I'm sorry. The school and we, his family, will just have to work our tails off to help him succeed.
I strongly dislike an ADD diagnosis because of the judgment that comes along with it. The diagnosis though has opened doors for more interventions and services at school that he didn't qualify for before the diagnosis. The adjustment to the new school year has been very rocky so far. It has not been going well. We will continue to work with our little man to help him learn self control, self monitoring, and self sufficiency. Until that is achieved, we will support him and reassure him that we love him whether he is doing well or struggling. Our job is to help him grow into the man that he is supposed to become. It is exhausting. I pray every single day for the strength and fortitude to get it done. Please Lord help us be the very best parents that we can be. We definitely aren't the parents we envisioned ourselves to be but hopefully we are the parents he needs us to be. Guide us through this journey. It has been a long one and we have a long way to go yet.
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