Graduation

Our son is preparing to graduate from high school.

I'm going to just sit with this for a moment and let it sink in.

Tomorrow night is graduation. For the last two weeks, it has been non-stop events, ceremonies, and celebrations. Everywhere we go, I get the same question. "Are you ready for this momma?" Because most people are making polite conversation, (and because I can be socially awkward in person), I typically respond with a simple "Yes.". The real answer is much, much more complicated.

We are ready for him to graduate. He has put in the hard work. WE have put in the hard work. He has earned this moment in the spotlight. We are proud beyond measure.

If you've read some of my other blogposts, you know that our son was medically fragile for a number of years and delayed in all developmental areas. I lived with the knowledge that we may never see this day. Truthfully, I mentally prepared myself that that may be our reality. To see him take part in all of the graduation events, so tall and strong, it's humbling. We are grateful to be here. We are grateful to have these moments. We do not take them for granted. 

In the past, I've written about the grieving process that comes with raising a child with special needs. All parents, if they are honest with themselves, have a subconscious image of what their child's life is going to be like. When your child doesn't meet those early milestones; doesn't fit in with socially expected parameters; doesn't live up to your pre-conceived expectations, there is a death. The death of what you expected; what you wanted; what you dreamed of. As you learn to live this new reality, you struggle to come to terms with what will be. Will your child "outgrow" this? Will your child "catch up"? Will your child ever be "normal"? As time goes on and you start to get your feet under you, you learn to navigate all the systems - school, medical, social, etc. As a new reality starts to emerge, the questions change. What is going to happen down the road? Will my child be independent? Will I support this child forever? How are we going to do this? What do I need to do to make this work? You live in a state of constantly trying to find your way. There is no guidebook. The user's manual for this particular product was written in a foreign language that you can't translate.  

Eventually, things level out. You find your village. You find your support systems. You learn to trust yourself and each other. At the end of the grieving process, you discover something exceptionally beautiful. 

You discover your child. Who he was meant to be. As he was created to be. Beautifully and exceptionally imperfect. Because aren't we all?

But, we are also realistic. There is SO much more we need to teach him. To prepare him for. The world can be a really ugly place. But he doesn't see it that way. He sees the best in everyone. He is excited to engage and befriend everyone. That is an amazing quality. It's also incredibly dangerous in today's world. How do you prepare them for this world? How do you keep them safe as you set them free? How do you guard their hearts, bodies, minds and spirits? People prey on the special needs community. How do you prepare them? 

At the same time, my husband and I are ready for a break. We've done the hard work. We've raised him to be good, kind, intelligent, strong in spirit. He WANTS to be independent. He's prepared to go off to college three hours away. It's a special education technical college with supports beyond the typical college but it's still three hours away. He's excited. He's scared. But he's ready. We are ready. My husband and I are best friends. We are partners in every sense of the word. We are ready to spend time together again without the need to parent. 

We also recognize that there is an extremely strong probability that our son will come home. Home to stay. His independence will come. But that timeframe may look different than some others. We are prepared for that. We have contingency plans. Our eyes are open. We are realistic about our life and our son's reality. 

But we also know that every step of the way, our son has defied the odds. He has persevered. He has overcome. He has succeeded. 

So when you ask "Are you ready for this momma?", the answer is yes.