One of the consistent characteristics of our son's developmental condition has been the inconsistency of it. A real oxymoron, huh? He follows large bursts of growth and skill development with quiet plateaus of "normalcy". About the time we settle into complacency and start to enjoy the progress we have made, it all starts to slide away and he enters what we refer to as a developmental lag.
We have experienced a rather lengthy plateau over the last year or so. So much so, that many of his support services have been reduced to a monitoring status or reduced in frequency and intensity. We have instead started focusing on transition services and the possibility of an independent and self-supported adult future. His special education team is just finishing up the re-evaluation report of the IEP that will take him into high school. Our family has moved into more of a support mode and less of a supervision and support mode.
This year has been a year of significant transition and change. Through it all, our son has stepped up, been fairly responsible, and managed good grades. We've been beyond proud of the progress he has made.
Two weeks ago, we started noticing an increase in his stuttering, his drooling, and his chewing clothing. Those behaviors had almost completely disappeared over the last year. He's identified that he has "squirrel brain". In other words, he's having trouble organizing the very busy, very active brain that wants to distract him. This week, we received a message from school that he was behind in a couple assignments. For the first time since school started, he forgot things he needed for homework and I had to run out to the school to pick them up. With great communication from his team at school, we got him caught up on his work and helped him re-organize himself. His stuttering and blocking has increased so significantly that people who only see him on a weekly basis have been absolutely shocked by the serious change in his speech in such a short period of time. One word answers are almost more than he can manage in the evenings when he is tired. The facial ticks and other stuttering associated behaviors, like hiding his mouth and fingers in his mouth to hide it as he stutters, have all returned. Those behaviors had completely disappeared over the last year. The rapid return of these dormant behaviors is shocking. Stunning even.
A significant developmental lag has begun. Maybe the worst we've seen in awhile.
So, we do what we do. We contacted his education team and updated them on what is happening. All of his support service individuals are newer members to his team. They haven't ridden one of these waves with us before. They only know our son that is happy-go-lucky; disorganized but hard working; forgetful but sweet. They don't know how deep these regressions can go or the behaviors that he has learned to hide and overcome. So we warned them of what could be coming. We prepare them so they know what to look for.
We reach out to our family and friends in our inner circle. We let them know what we are experiencing. We remind them of what works to support our boy as he struggles against a body that doesn't work with a brain that is trying to catch up to an eight inch growth spurt. We remind them what doesn't work and what will only cause anxiety and delay growth out of this latest lag.
Then we try to find the balance between reminding our boy about what tools he has and what skills he has learned to help him cope while not nagging, not hovering, not taking away his new found independence. We support while trying to avoid dependency. We remind him to "sli-i-i-de" his speech when he jams up. We let him talk with eye contact and without interruption so he doesn't feel pressured which only increases the likelihood that he will block up. We don't finish words and sentences for him. We let him work it out. We acknowledge the struggle but normalize it by keeping it matter of fact. "That was a tough one. Good job sliding through it bud. Remember to breathe. We will wait for you to finish. No rush." We keep life as normal and as consistent as we can. When he needs 500 hugs and tells us a 1,000 times that he loves us, we roll with it and reciprocate because he needs the reassurance right now. We make sure he is eating good nutritious foods and getting lots of rest. Then we wait for things to run their course.
These developmental lags used to send me into an internal panic. I think I feared he wouldn't pull out of them or that he would regress and lose skills. After fourteen years of riding this wave, it still gives me a sick stomach deep down inside. But now I know we have the skills to work him through what he's up against. We have a great relationship with his school and his education team. We have good family and friend supports. My husband and I have a solid relationship and know how to navigate this together now. Our son has built some solid skills to help him work through these lags. He has also made some friendships with kids and adults who will support him for who he is and know his heart.
Unfortunately, based on the amount he is eating, I don't think we are at the end of this crazy growth spurt that seems to have set off this latest developmental lag. At only thirteen years-old, he is already six foot tall with size 14 feet. Hopefully, he will reach his final size and his brain chemistry can finally catch up with all that growth. In the meantime, we have his back and we will support him wherever this goes and however long it takes.
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