As my husband and I have made our journey with our youngest son, several questions have continued to bother me. I am often stuck asking "What happened?", "Why us?", and "Will it ever get better?" I am starting to come to terms with the first question. We will never know. I didn't drink, do drugs, or live in a dangerous environment. I did all the things that we were supposed to do. Genetic testing has shown a duplication on his one chromosome but it is a chromosomal abnormality that he shares with his father so that isn't the source of his developmental challenges. The last question is starting to become clearer as well. Yes. It is getting better. He is growing and developing and maturing. What will his long term "normal" be? I don't know yet. Today, I got a small glimpse of what the answer to the second question may be.
Our son and I were at the local hospital for his weekly speech therapy and occupational therapy sessions. They are currently scheduled back to back resulting in an hour and a half therapy block. Because I just finished my school year a week ago, I am a few days late starting my summer online course that I am scheduled to complete during the month of July. I figured this therapy block would be the ideal time to put a serious dent in my classwork.
About halfway through the therapy block, his first therapist tracked me down to fill me in on his progress this week. I was surprised when we arrived today because I had been told that the summer schedule would result in a therapist change due to a scheduling conflict. When she came out to talk, she filled me in. She refused to give up our son on her therapy schedule because she loves him and feels they have made a lot of progress. She told them they needed to rearrange her schedule so that she wouldn't have to lose him. I relayed to her that I was very grateful. Our son has a lot of anxiety at the moment as he anticipates his transition from elementary school to middle school. She shared that he had discussed that concern with her during their speech session. We both agreed that was a big step for him. There was a time in the past when he had trouble identifying why he was upset or what the cause of his anxiety may be. Now he can identify the source and problem solve ways to cope. These are great strides. He his growing in his confidence and in his communication skills.
Through our conversation about my son's anxiety, we started talking about concerns that his therapist has with her son. Although her son does not have developmental issues like my son and is much younger, some of the behaviors and experiences she shared sounded like our journey in the early stages. Concerns about what is really wrong. What do you do about it? How do you as a couple feel about it? Are your feelings about and methods of coping with the situation compatible and more importantly conducive to helping your child through his problems? So many of the fears, feelings, and thoughts she shared were fears, feelings, and thoughts that I had experienced years before. I was able to share with her that I understood. I had stood in her shoes. I had also felt that way. My husband had been there. His growth as a man and a father has been profound and humbling. He is a different man, a better man, than he had been ten years ago.
Several times through our conversation, she appeared close to tears. She looked tired. She looked overwhelmed. I know if I had looked in the mirror ten years ago, five years ago, maybe even a couple months ago, I might have looked the same. She told me our conversation gave her hope. It let her know that it might get better. It let her know she wasn't alone.
So maybe the answer to that second question "Why us?" was part of God's bigger plan. He wants us to share our story to help others. He wants us to grow as people but he also wants us to bring others along on our journey. Maybe our biggest challenges, fears, and hurts were meant to help others grow as families and to bring them closer to God. I know our journey has done those things for me. Our conversation today may have left her with a feeling of hope but it also helped me put our life into perspective. It allowed me to take a step back and see how very far we have come. The progress we have made. The strength we have gained. If that is his purpose, I pray he continues to maneuver me and grow me as he would want me. I pray he gives me the strength to do his work.
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