I've learned to try to embrace life, the good and the bad. We never know how much time we are going to have here on Earth or how long we will have to enjoy our loved ones. Some days it's easy to find the beauty. Some days you have to look a little deeper.
For the last week or so, our youngest son seems to be barreling through life in a manic whirlwind. Full throttle. Happy. Angry. Frustrated. Full intensity. As a result, I can admit that I was looking forward to going to work with my oldest son while our youngest spent the day at home with his father. It was a fun day for my oldest son to volunteer in my classroom with the little ones. It gave him a chance to see me at work in an environment where I am usually happy and relaxed without the added edge I sometimes develop while at home.
My husband took our youngest son to speech therapy at the hospital as scheduled. When our oldest son and I finished at school, we met them at the hospital so we could all go out for supper together. The change in schedule and the opportunity to introduce his speech therapist to his brother sent our youngest son bouncing off the walls with excitement. He literally bound from person to person handing out kisses and hugs and talking a mile a minute. You could literally feel the energy pulsing off of him.
We had decided in advance that we would take them to our son's favorite Chinese restaurant. The prospect of eating there increased his excitement exponentially. He strutted through the doors on his tip toes, chest puffed out and declared "Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!" It took physical touch and constant verbal prompts to keep him from running into other patrons or spilling food and drink. His excitement was a tangible thing. I noticed several tables of other diners watching us curiously. Fortunately, we were able to keep him fairly contained until we were preparing to leave. His brother merely tossed his fortune from the fortune cookie onto a dirty plate covered in gooey sauce. This sent our youngest into a tailspin. He kept trying to grab the fortune that was now a yucky, sticky mess. We had to physically sweep him out of the booth and usher him towards the door. He exclaimed "I need it. I need it to remember this night!" The other men zoomed him out the door while I paid the bill as curious patrons gawked at the scene.
Thanksgiving morning dawned with the clanging of a large plastic carrot against a metal bowl. This was our son's wake up call to the family. Thanksgiving had begun. It was one of those days where his energy was hard to contain. We had a fight over socks and shoes. (Yes, you must put them on to go out in 30 degree weather.) We had a fight over cleaning up the toys, rakes, shovels, and wagon he had left littered over the yard yesterday. We had a fight over brushing his teeth. (Sorry man, they must be brushed daily.) We had a fight over refusing to take his meds. (Are you kidding me?!?) We had a fight over the ability to watch the Macy's Day parade AFTER he cleaned up his stuff outside. We had a fight when he couldn't locate his Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving Day DVD. Apparently, it was my fault that it couldn't be found. We had tears over soda vs milk. We had tears over the fact that we had RUINED Thanksgiving.
It was one of those days.
Once his extended family started arriving for lunch, he seemed to better harness his excitement that was coming out sideways all over the rest of us. He had other people to talk to, share with, and entertain. When his great-aunt agreed to play a board game with him, it gave him something to focus on and seemed to further de-escalate his excitability.
Through it all, truthfully, I wanted to scream. I could feel his energy crawling into me and threatening to take me over. I had to work to keep my cool and I'm not sure I was very successful. My frustration was very evident. I'm not proud of that.
On Thanksgiving evening, I am thankful for the joy in those crazy, chaotic moments. His pride in sharing his family with his therapist. The shared laughter of our family over dinner. Curling up on the couch with him after we came home from the restaurant. Reading him a bedtime story. Cracking silly jokes over his wake up call. Laughing at his game time conversations with his great-aunt. Sharing stories. I am thankful for the love that we share that helps us to move through the frustration and the challenges. I continue to pray daily for strength, patience, and fortitude. Maybe I need a vacation too.
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