As we walk into one of our favorite restaurants, the owner steps out from behind the kitchen area to come greet us. He and my youngest son had become buddies through our different trips to the creamery. When we walked in the door, the owner bellowed "How's it going big daddy?" My son looked back with a huge smile and said "There's my big buddy." He then ran up to the counter, high-fived the owner, and proceeded to order his supper. Part way through eating his supper, he informs the owner that he wanted cheese on his hot dog. He and the owner have a conversation about Cheez Wiz before he wanders off to heat up a "special bowl of cheese for his little buddy". After returning to our table, he dollops spoons of melted cheese over the hot dog and informs him that the extra should be used to dip his chips in.
This is a very typical evening out with our son. Everywhere we go, everyone seems to know and love him. If they don't know him, they soon will. He totally lacks boundaries. You will become his friend because he leaves you no choice. We have attended several family reunions or social functions where we knew hardly anyone in attendance. Within moments of our arrival, he manages to introduce himself and engage even the most standoffish individuals in conversation. His specialty is grumpy old men who like to hide by themselves in corners. He wanders over, sits down beside them and starts chatting them up as if they were old buddies. I used to worry that he was bothering people. Now I just stand back and watch him work his magic. By the end of the afternoon, he is hugging and kissing people goodbye who were complete strangers only a few hours before.
I worry about his same age peers though. Kids can be very cruel. They haven't developed the filters that we adults often utilize. They say what comes to mind. When he was younger, it was less apparent that he lagged behind his same age peers. He is now at an age though where he is taller and bigger than kids his age yet it is starting to become more obvious that he lags behind them developmentally. Some of his peers have encouraged him to do things and say things that ended up getting him in trouble at school. Because of his lack of boundaries, he doesn't always recognize that other kids his age don't want to be hugged or kissed or pulled on to get their attention. I fear that he will be seen as "that strange kid" that the others tease or make fun of.
There are signs that he is starting to recognize that there are some differences between him and his peers. He displays some subtle behavior shifts that show a rising awareness of the differences. He is developing a greater resistance to attending his occupational therapy sessions. His therapist voiced that he doesn't understand why he needs to keep coming to OT because he doesn't see himself as different from his peers. He definitely has a need for the services because he isn't meeting his therapy goals. I think his resistance has more to do with the fact that he is starting to see the difference between him and his peers. My heart aches for this transition/transformation. He is NOT dumb or slow intellectually. Unfortunately, his body will not let him express himself they way his same age peers can. There is an extremely bright child trapped inside a body that will not cooperate to move or speak the way he wants it to. To then recognize that others see him as different, must be frustrating beyond belief. I can't do anything to help him except offer my love and support. This is something he must learn and survive.
I have little fear for our son long term. He will learn to overcome his expressive issues. He is too strong willed by nature to do otherwise. He will develop friendships and relationships with many people along the way. He is too social by nature to do otherwise. He will succeed in whatever he cares strongly about. He is too oppositional by nature to do otherwise. I just pray that he doesn't encounter too much heartache or disappointment along the way. Life has given him enough of that. I pray we know how to support him through these years of transition and trial. Please Lord, help our son grow and develop into the man that You want him to be. It's going to be quite a journey.
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