Making Decisions

I've often joked with family over the last month or two that our son finished school in April.  Here it is June and the rest of the world just forgot to read the memo.  He has a unique developmental pattern that involves a series of developmental bursts that are usually followed by a predictable pattern of regressive behaviors including drooling, stuttering, verbal blocking, increased clumsiness, and behavioral frustration and/or tantruming.  It is these regression periods that often leave us in a bit of a quandary.  Where do we go from here?  How do we help him through this stage and guide him into the next important stage of development?

During these developmental "bursts", it is as if someone has thrown on a light switch.  Literally over night, it seems as if he is gaining new skills and new behaviors.  We are often blown away by what he can now accomplish that he couldn't previously.  It is during these bursts that we experience "familial highs" of a sort.  Times are better.  Life is easier.  He is more content and easier to work with.  These bursts involve learning and displaying many new skills that were previously unattainable for him.  We are so hopeful and motivated for him to move forward during these time periods.  We see the possibility of what could be for him and what his future may hold.

Unfortunately, these lovely bursts are almost always followed by a regression period.  These periods are generally first noticed when the drooling begins.  He may be six but during a regression period, he will begin "mouthing" everything including his clothing, toys, pencils, etc.  It is not unusual for him to come home from school with the top section of his shirt wet from chewing on it or from wiping his mouth on it.  NOT a pleasant or hygienic situation.  It is also during these lag times that our happy, pleasant child becomes prone to irrational tantrums and outbursts.  The slightest redirection or criticism can result in crying, screaming, running around the house like a crazy child.  You can not rationalize, reason, or process with him during these periods.  His frustration level is always set on "simmer".   These are the times when we question what his future may hold.  We question what we can and should be doing for him.

During these periods of transition, we are often left asking ourselves which direction to go and are faced with important decisions that need to be made.  Do we continue with the current therapies?  Are the current therapies sufficient or do we need to pursue different avenues?  Are the current therapies necessary?  Should we do more?  Or less?  It's the questions that can drive you crazy.  You're never sure what the answers are or if you are going in the right direction.  Our current round of questions surround the issue of his speech/language delays.  His individualized education program (IEP) at school is for a speech/language disorder.  Currently, one of his main issues is his stuttering and blocking.  At school, he is receiving speech therapy weekly.  Yet, out of school, he hasn't received speech therapy since his old  speech therapist left for a new job.  Should we have him retested and start him with a new therapist or is this part of his current regression phase?  Should a therapist be addressing his low facial motor tone or is this also part of his current regression phase?  Are we hesitant to add more out of fear of overwhelming him?  Or are we hesitant out of fear of overwhelming ourselves?  What is the priority?  What is the right decision?

When it comes to parenting, I don't know that there are right or wrong answers.  I think the fact that we ask ourselves the questions in the first place, shows that our hearts are in the right places.  Unfortunately, the decisions we make have long term ramifications for ourselves and our children.  We can only pray that the decisions we make are made for the right decisions and turn out for the best.