Fortunately, we have been seeing signs that this developmental plateau is transitioning to a minor developmental growth spurt. Our son has recently had a greater awareness of his social status among his peers. Although his blindness to this was beneficial in the past, it also kept him from having an awareness of what was really socially acceptable to his peers and what was not. It has been hard to help him negotiate this growing awareness that not everyone is his friend or has positive intentions for him. His social blindness shielded him to a large degree from peers who may have been prone to tease him or make him feel bad about his stuttering, blocking, and other less than socially acceptable behaviors. His new awareness, although painful, offers a degree of self-motivation to want to do better and change the behavior.
Until recently, our son had little interest in completing homework or staying caught up on his work. When you spend most days inside without recess because you are behind with your work, this becomes "normal" to you. Being kept inside because you are behind in your work or you need extra help, has little impact on someone who, more often than not, doesn't get the opportunity to go outside. any way. Recently, our son has taken an interest in staying caught up with his work because he has a buddy. He wants to be able to go outside and play with him and his other friends. Because of that desire to spend time with this friend, he has brought home math boxes that he should have finished in class and weren't assigned as homework. He's even snuck home essays and other writing assignments that needed re-written or finished so he wouldn't get further behind in class. This is a HUGE change. He cares about his schoolwork. He wants to do better.
Our son started the school year failing most of his reading tests and many of the class assignments. We were very concerned and questioned what we needed to do to help him do better. The education team was at a loss for recommendations because what was causing the failing grades was inconsistent. It changed from test to test. Since the Christmas break, he has been bringing home reading tests that were passing. Most recently, he has even brought home some A's and B's. Amazing! What has changed? Nothing on our end. We still read the stories with him. We still study the vocabulary words and definitions. We still help him complete the reading assignments and quiz him on the stories. We are doing nothing different.
Our son has developed a love for writing. He loves to write and act out stories and plays. He writes and performs songs. Because of this love, his aunt bought him a book of children's plays for Christmas. His grandfather made him a puppet stage and his grandmother bought him puppets. My husband and I bought him a series of puppets to add to his "actors". Our basement looks like a mad writers/actors domain. It is filled with "scenes" in the midst of action. Stuffed animals are arranged in unique vignettes waiting to be acted out. He can't get enough of being read to. His love of language and stories may account for his improvement in this area in school.
Because of his expressive language issues, it is still very painful for him to read his assignments to us. As a result, we take turns reading with him. We try to give him the shortest sections. On days when he is very jammed up with blocking and stuttering, we do almost all of the reading but spend extra time discussing the stories and questioning him on the content. I have also started looking into computer programs that help by reading the information with him/for him. He needs to expand his reading capability but with an expressive delay, it is an interesting challenge to balance these needs. We continue to explore the options available to him.
Math has been an area of strength for our son for a couple years now. Once he started "getting it", math just seemed to click for him. His ability to set up formulas and answer computation problems amazes me. He can solve puzzles and word finds and math based computer games in a way that I cannot. Timed math tests were the bane of our existence because timed anything for a child with expressive delays is a nightmare. Thankfully, this should be his last year in which he is required to complete these tests. Hopefully.
In the past, getting our son to clean up his room or the basement has been an exercise in futility and frustration. Recently, we have been able to get our son to side step his extreme agitation with the assigned task by breaking it down into small steps. For example, when faced with the need to clean up a mess, we can suggest a specific type of item to pick up first. "Go pick up all your legos first." By picking up one type of item at a time, he avoids becoming overwhelmed by the assigned task. Writing specific lists that allow him to cross off each item as he completes it, also seems to reduce his frustration.
Finally, and most importantly for those of us that live with him and love him, our son seems to be slowly developing the ability to pull back from a meltdown. In recent months, there have been several instances where he seemed to be ramping up for a meltdown but was able to successfully calm down and rationalize. He was able to work through the moment without losing complete control. His solution at one time for escaping a meltdown was to run away from us. He would physically run out the door and run around the yard, yelling and screaming. He would run upstairs and hide. He would run back to our bedroom and hide in the bathroom closet. Recently, when told to stop, don't run away, talk to us, he has had more and more moments when he could stop and work it out. For our family, this area of growth is probably the most significant. The meltdowns are the most draining and painful for us to live with. Growth in this area would have the most positive impact on our family.
Little changes can have a large effect on a family. When you watch a loved one struggle on a daily basis, it's very hard to sit by and do nothing. These signs of growth have breathed fresh air into our lives. We have lived with the frustration of this current plateau for far too long. I'm grateful for these signs. I pray they continue. Don't give up. Change could be right around the corner.
