Renewed Hope

As I have eluded to in recent posts, our little man hasn't been making as much progress in therapy or at school as we had hoped.  He was frustrated.  The educational team was somewhat perplexed and a tad frustrated.  His father and I were flat out exhausted.  We felt like we had pursued all avenues and shaken all the bushes with little to show for it. What more could we all be doing?

Today we met with the educational and therapeutic team.  It was very very productive.  Apparently the neurology report we had taken into school back in November had been placed in his file but never been passed along to the educational team for review.  When they located the latest neuro report, they discovered that our son had been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder (ADD) and an evaluation for a language based learning disability had been strongly recommended.  From a school standpoint, this opened all kinds of doors.  He now qualifies for academic based goals instead of just speech, occupational therapy and physical therapy based goals.  The types of services and teaching tools that can now be utilized has been expanded dramatically.  A timeline was discussed for implementing his new goals and arranging new evaluations.  New doors were opened.

We also discussed the need to have him evaluated for a central auditory processing disorder by a specialized audiologist.  They would also like us to pursue having him evaluated for a functional vision disorder by a specialized pediatric optometrist.  These evaluations may be able to pinpoint the source of his processing issues.  If they can't identify a causation, they can at least narrow down the possibilities.  New direction.  Maybe some answers.

The assembled team included the special education director of the school district (and mother of a special needs child), his occupational therapist and her supervisor, his speech therapist, his teacher, and his Dad and I.  We were able to discuss our concerns and needs as a team with everyone present for the first time.  At his individualized education plan (IEP) meeting, several of these members had been missing.  As a result, needed information was not passed along.  At this meeting, everyone was there and obviously concerned and invested in helping our son meet his goals.  His teacher requested communication between the therapy team and himself so that he can better implement their ideas and techniques in the classroom.  Emails and phone numbers were exchanged for faster and more effective communication.  Communication was improved.  More effective goals identified.

As his parents, we were able to shed light on some of the issues that had begun to develop at school.  We were able to identify that our son, who had always seen himself as awesome and amazing, was now starting to recognize that he was different from his peers.  He is terribly frustrated with himself and his circumstances at the moment.  There isn't anything that we as the assembled team can do for him other than help him navigate this time.  It is part of the growing process when you have the learning and developmental issues that he has.   But this knowledge helped identify why he was becoming resistant to eating in the cafeteria; or being separated from his peers to go to therapy; or seeking approval from his classmates when before he was content to march to his own little drum.  Behaviors that they had seen or been concerned with now made more sense.  Our sons motivations were identified and clarified.  Better understanding and empathy was developed.

We were able to explain what our evenings were like with a kiddo who holds it together all day because he wants to fit in and make everyone happy but explodes upon getting home.  They said this is normal for children with his issues.  Once the kiddos are home where they feel loved and protected, they feel safe enough to release the frustration they have held in all day at school.  The special education director, who has navigated these waters with her own son, also identified that part of his exhaustion by the end of a day/week was also normal.  Every single thing he does in a day is still a purposeful, cognitive decision.  While most of us learn to do simple life tasks on auto pilot, children like ours still have to think their way through these same seemingly simple tasks.  Of course they are tired by the end of a day/week.  As a team, we were able to identify some "hot spots" for us and problem solve some possible solutions.  Although we felt as if these issues didn't really apply to school, they assured us that they do because if he is struggling with basic self help skills like feeding himself or buttoning a button fly pair of jeans, that takes away energy and effort that could be devoted to learning.  If he is feeling unsure of himself and where he fits into the school environment, he is less focused on learning.  They provided us with a measure of peace and a feeling that we weren't alone in this journey.

My husband and I are both problem solvers.  We approach life with a "identify the problem and fix it" mentality.  Our son is one "problem" that we haven't been able to "fix".  The process of helping him adapt to a life that wasn't designed for people like him has been nothing short of physically and emotionally exhausting.  Today we found new hope.  We found new avenues to pursue.  We discovered that there was a team of people who truly care about our child and want him to succeed just as we do.  I believe this.  And once again, I am presented with the life lesson that I must wait patiently for God's time, not my own.  He will provide answers and solutions when the time is right.  Is our son "fixed"?  No.  Will he ever be completely "fixed"?  I don't know.  Today has increased my faith that maybe in God's time we will have greater answers and understanding.  He has a plan for our amazing little man.  Someday, we'll know what it is and look back and say "Thank you Lord for your providence."

  

Life's Always A Choice

Our son turned seven on Friday.  It has been a long journey filled with stress, heartache and joy.

At the end of the first semester of first grade, things aren't looking as rosy as we had hoped.  His occupational therapist has asked us to "take a break" from therapy for awhile because he is failing to meet his therapy goals.  She thinks he's frustrated with the process and needs a break from it.  His teacher has requested a meeting with ourselves and the therapy team at school because he isn't meeting his goals there either.  We are dealing with a very frustrated young man these days.  As a result, he's not always a barrel of laughs to live with.  In light of that, and in celebration of his birthday, I'm choosing to focus on the fun.  The following are just a handful of reasons that life is better, more fun, and definitely more interesting with our little monster in it.

• His brother says his favorite thing about his little brother is that he can make friends with anyone, anywhere, at any time.  For example, when we went to a Crosscutters baseball game this summer, our son adopted the bus driver for the opposing team.  He was a very large, somewhat imposing figure of a man.  Our son "arrested" him; put his hands behind his back; and put him in jail with all the other "bad guys" he had arrested.  Bless his heart!  The poor guy played along.
• His father says our son has the funniest little antics or methods of dealing with the challenges that life has thrown at him.  His poor motor skills interfere with him doing simple tasks like opening a yogurt tube.  His hands are too big and clumsy.  Instead, he has learned that he can grab the corner with his teeth and tear the top open.  Success!
• Our son is a first class little Romeo.  He blatantly flirts with girls/women much older than him... and they fall for it!  One afternoon when we went to a local shoe store, he ended up following this cute little blond around the store making eyes at her and declaring "She's stalking me!"  At the checkout, we ran into them again and she laughed and laughed.  She thought he was adorable. 
• One of my favorite things is coming into the living room and finding the boys curled up on the couch together reading a story or watching a show on TV.  Our youngest absolutely loves and adores his big brother. 
• Our little man always wants everyone included in everything he does.  If he gets a snack from his grandmother, he has to be sure to get one for his brother.  When he gets a sticker from the doctor, he always wants one for his brother and his Dad. 
• He is the defender of the underdog.  If someone is in trouble, he has to come to their defense, even if they are blatantly in the wrong.  When I told his father that he was too sick to go to work because he needed to stay home and rest, our son strongly defended him.  "Let him go to work!"  At times, our oldest will tell his brother "No buddy.  Mom and Dad are right to tell me that.  I was wrong."  (Thank God we have a wonderful older son who is so responsible!)
• While completing homework, especially reading his reading book together, he often falls asleep.  If he falls asleep and we can't wake him back up, we go ahead and put him in bed for the night.  He will groggily ask "Can I brush my teeth twice tomorrow?"  Yes little man, you brush your teeth twice everyday. 
• This year on Groundhogs Day, he told his grandparents that if the "beaver" saw his shadow it would be an early "summer".  He has been very offended that it keeps snowing and now he thinks the "beaver" is a liar. 

Life is a series of choices.  You can choose to focus on your problems.  That brings nothing but misery and frustration.  Instead, you can choose to laugh at life and its moments of insanity.  What could be funnier than the life we are all leading with its pitfalls, twists and turns?  I say thank God for your blessings and choose to laugh!